“Pureteens” and the return of slow dating
Gen Z has acquired the label pureteens for their lack of teenage-level sexual behaviors that were prevalent in earlier generations. While Gen Z is often called sex-negative, the perspective echoes out-dated ways of considering intimacy and relationships, when Gen Z is reframing how they want to engage in sex with more consent and mutual pleasure and less misogyny. That might include critiquing the role of porn, as seen in TikTok’s #cancelporn movement or eschewing casual sex altogether.
Gen Z is having less sex by the end of high school and opting for sober activities over alcohol-fueled revelry, and even dating in the wild — perhaps on an IRL breakfast date ( 81 percent of Gen Z are breakfast-eaters). Their approach to connection and relationships follows patterns in their work and lives, turning what was once the norm for their age on its head. They have freedom to explore in ways that weren’t available to others before them. And those who are exploring are doing it differently: while Tinder data suggests that over half of their users are Gen Z, they are trading in swipe-culture for a return to slow dating, where in-depth conversations and real-world interactions are elevated.
We’ve seen that Gen Z has had to grow up earlier, taking up jobs and otherwise dealing with real life issues at a young age, a shift that is marked around the world, from the U.S. to China. Life has become serious business, and young Gen Zers in couples are considering their togetherness in the same vein, as evidence suggests many young couples are seeking therapy. It shows a generational shift of self-awareness that moves things like relationship therapy away from a crisis scenario, into something that is maintained on a regular basis, much like the daily watering of a plant.
I’ll do me before I’ll do we
It’s not that Gen Zers don’t want relationships — they do. They’re lonely, and they’re human. But, feeling fulfilled on their own terms takes precedence, in addition to Gen Z being very specific about what they may be seeking in the first place. Gen Z doesn’t shy away from putting off their relationship aspirations until they feel more solid in their own skin. The experimentation of young Gen Zers and fluidity of expression are core traits that will define not just who they are today, but at 25, 35, 45 and beyond, ultimately shaping what it looks like to be part of a family structure.
Gen Z is taking to social media to share or demystify real and authentic portrayals of their relationships, whether it’s Gen Z moms shedding light on the realities of family life or Bella Thorne popularizing throuples. The satisfaction and connection typically assigned to relationships can come from anything, including romantic (or non-romantic) relationships, but also includes the celebration of friendships, non-binary relationships, or an online swipe turned into a hang. Being part of a meaningful relationship is defined by an immediate need for connection, community, and finding ways out of a growing feeling of isolation in a chaotic world.
Gen Z is eschewing old patterns of expected behavior, and they may be the generation to finally debunk a world designed for couples and the nuclear family, forming found-family connections, and relationships on their own, with friends, romantic or not.
